Excerpt~You're enduring one of the most relentless, vicious, cruel, and debilitating diseases on the planet. A disease that completely breaks you down mentally, physically, and socially. A state of existence that if it could be harnessed as a method of torture, would be outlawed. The complete deconstruction of our self and the rebuilding of a newly perceived reality. The complete and total disconnection and estrangement from not only society, but the person we once understood ourselves to be. The wake of a beautiful, human strength, that up until now, we didn't know we possessed. The rise of our truest will during such trying and dismantling times. The understanding of forces greater than who we are through the experience known as Lyme Disease.
Not too far from my own version..........
It’s Mother’s Day. I’m sad because my son hasn’t called yet. I miss him. I know he will call. But that’s not why I’m crying. I’m crying because I don’t know how to be happy anymore. How can I ever be happy again after all I have lost. I had a great life. Maybe that’s why this is so hard. Maybe if my life hadn’t been so incredible, I wouldn’t miss it so much. I wasn’t ready for it to end. There was so much more living I had to do! I had just realized my career goals and was enjoying my success, had just moved to the perfect beach house, my son had just been accepted into a great school…life was perfect! And I knew it. For the first time, I was truly happy in my present, not living in the past or waiting for my life to unfold. I was living my life exactly how I wanted and loving it!
Without notice all hell broke loose. All things react and counteract, so when I lost my health, I lost the job. Then the money, the house, the lifestyle, the joy. I think it would have been more humane if God had just cut my life short right then while I was still on top. But to let me suffer so, not even just physically, but to have it all taken away piece by piece is torture. I feel like a prisoner, chained to a chair, being forced to watch my life, and my son’s, get stripped to nothing. I have been stripped to nothing. All that is left in anger. And an empty shell of the person I used to be. I have no more dreams. I want to. But I know they will never come true. What this disease has done to me is beyond description. There are no words that can convey how it has destroyed me. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I want to cry but there are no more tears. Too many have been shed over this; yet nothing has changed. I will never get out of this hellish nightmare I have somehow found myself in. I can’t seem to wake up. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs but I can’t wake myself up. I’m almost numb. I have nobody to talk to. Nobody gets it.
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