It happens almost every time; after leaving a medical appointment I am furious at myself for not speaking out and acknowledging my mistrust of the system, the ridiculousness of what I am being told and for not blatenly demanding answers. Instead, I listen to them tell lie after lie that they either don't know what's wrong with me, or wait for them to come up with yet another lame excuse for my many symptoms.
I have to say they are getting quite creative.....or, simply running out of viable options. But really, ADD? Autism?? That's a new one, even for me, who has seen dozens and dozens of doctors.
Last week, it was adult onset Asthma after breathing testing, and now cancer screening by my GYN. My primary care doctor last month, still curious about my limb pain is now insisting I get a spinal x-ray.
Ear plugs because my brain can no longer handle any noise....really? is that the best they can do? Pills for depression because my entire life has been taken from me only due to the politics of a disease which can not be acknowledged, despite the fact that research proves its existence and offers possible treatments. Of course, if I were rich, it wouldn't be so difficult. Lyme literate doctors charge a fortune, and fly well below radar, for fear of losing their medical licenses. The very same system that denies my disease, punishes doctors who try to help me. Insurance will only pay for the doctors that play along with the game....those who won't question the powers to be.
Why didn't I call her on that today? I have been "trained" to be polite; too argumentative and it goes on your chart....before you know it, you are labeled with some psychiatric disorder. It has already been suggested. I am too "fixated" on my diagnosis and how dare I question my dr?
So instead I watch as my life gets taken away piece by piece; while my family is destroyed day by day. My relationships have all suffered. No more boyfriends. No more girlfriends. My son and I, my mom and I, are always arguing. I am so angry and if I let go, the PTB win. They will keep winning until we demand change!
Good God! When does it end? My next appointment I vow to begin to share my frustrations with a little less politeness! It ends now....they are holding back treatment on me and with every stifle another month passes with no improvement. I have spent seven years in bed and they don't seem to be concerned, or even curious! Isn't there something seriously wrong with our medical care system if an otherwise healthy 50 year old has consistently been complaining of disabling neurological symptoms and yet they refuse to even humor me with any testing.
Perhaps, they fear the results will confirm what I have been telling them for all these years! They don't want the truth to be told, truth be told. So they let me suffer, and I suffer far more from their denial and refusal of care than any of my disabling symptoms.
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