it can only get better, right?

We've all heard the saying, "it can only get better" when life just isn't going our way. God I pray that it's true.  That is the only hope I have; if it's not true, I could  not bear it.  I am at my bottom...ground zero.  I know addicts say they have to hit "bottom" before things can turn around...well, i am there.  I can barely endure another day of this, and just had a thought....what if it gets worse?

I cannot make the choice to get better; there are no programs out there able (financially able) to cure me, no support groups to get me through and what really gets me is, I didn't do anything wrong to get here.  I didn't choose this; I ask God every single day, " what did I do wrong?  why am I being so punished?"  I think of others who take so much for granted and still complain, about the silliest things. And.... I have to admit; that may have been me in the past.

God certainly has got my attention.   It is amazing what becomes important when you are homeless and sick...I begin to reason with God...."but i did everything I was raised to do, do the right thing; be kind to others; go to college, get a job, climb the ladder...and now I am all alone, barely able to feed my son and I and wondering if medical help will come fast enough so I can get better".  If I knew that was a probability, or even a possibility, I could hang on but I fear the minute I lose hope and start to think that my health will not improve, my living situation will not change for the better or my financial worries will not be resolved, I will give up.  I have to hope, it can only get better.